Suffice to say Adam Carolla won't be hosting the 2017 Oscars ceremony.
He didn’t blindly applaud the nonstop lecturing from host Chris Rock. Nor did Carolla salute Lady Gaga’s assault on the modern college campus via the Oscar-nominated song for “The Hunting Ground.”
It reminded listeners how Carolla’s take on pop culture differs from roughly 98 percent of his peers.
The Mighty … Joe Biden?
Carolla began by blasting the assembled stars for leaping to their feat when Vice President Joe Biden introduced Lady Gaga’s musical performance.
“Joe Biden gets a standing ovation for what? Some of the best hair plugs done in the 70s?” he said. “I don’t know if you can ask one accomplishment of Joe Biden to anybody in that room and they can come up with something,”
It’s all about image, he said, and feeling good for oneself at all costs.
“Never stop patting yourselves on the back for what amazing, amazing, amazing, brave, brave heroes you are,” he said of the Oscar audience. “Blowhards. Shut the f*** up and hand out the awards, would you please?”
The press praised both Rock and new Oscar winner Leonardo DiCaprio for using the event to push political agendas. Rock hammered the Academy for its lack of diverse nominees. DiCaprio begged viewers to battle global warming – despite his considerable carbon footprint.
Carolla acknowledged Rock had to touch on the #OscarsSoWhite issue. Turning the entire show over to one cause atop another, though, was simply too much.
“I don’t like everything being an opportunity to be politicized. We have all year to politicize everything. I just want it to be an awards show,” he said.
Carolla on Fire
The comedian then turned to Lady Gaga’s “Till It Happens to You.” The ballad explores the problem of campus rape that “Ground” examines. The documentary may be well intentioned, but it’s come under steady, serious fire for its loose facts. Even left-leaning sites like Slate.com hammered the movie’s narrative.
The podcaster pounced on a discredited statistic tied to the movie – that 1 in 5 women will be sexually assaulted at college.
“You send your kids to this place where there’s a 20 percent chance your daughter’s gonna be raped? Obviously you don’t believe the bogus statistics or you would never do this,” he said. “You don’t believe them because you’re hypocrites.”
Why would the media and cultural observers alike allow that information to filter into the public debate? The podcaster thinks he knows why.
“You’re allowed to lie because you’re on the righteous side,” he said. And it’s part of a politically correct trend that has weakened the nation, Carolla said, connecting the Oscar telecast to broader cultural shifts.
“Make everyone a victim. That’s the way we win wars. That’s how we were able to defeat the Nazis and the Japanese,” he said, striking the faux political pose he assumed for his book “President Me.” “We turned everyone with a skin color a shade darker than yours … everyone with a religious or sexual proclivity … turn everyone into a victim, and then let’s see how we do as a country. it’s a fantastic plan.”
Carolla couldn’t let go of the Vice President’s speech and what he called “cooked” rape statistics.
“All of Joe Biden’s buddies are running these college campuses. Maybe we should look into a changing of the guards,” he said.