Halloween is my favorite time of year!
Great scary movies abound across the TV landscape. I recently re-watched Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds,” and I figured a tennis racket solves the problem better than a closed phone booth.
The film got me day dreaming. What if I was offered $1 million to survive just one day/night in a horror universe?
Which would I choose?
What are the horror universes most easy to survive? Well that’s a snap … you choose anything by Hitchcock.
- “The Birds?” A football helmet and a cricket bat and that problem is solved.
- Those two punks from “Rope?” Just hit ‘em with a drop kick like Marty Jannetty.
- “Psycho?” Punch mother in the face and I’m free.
But it’s not just Hitchcock…
- “Black Christmas?” It’s just one dude and he is in the house… knock his lights out.
- “An American Werewolf in London” is just a big dog so keep the doors locked.
- “Cujo?” Same!
- “The Others?” Take a nap till you run out the clock.
- “Black Swan?” Dance the night away.
- “Poltergeist?” I mean, if a little girl can survive how hard are we talking here?
Okay, so that was easy. What horror universes would be the toughest to survive for a day/night?
The Worst Odds In Terms of Survival
“28 Days Later” — Odds: 30/1
It’s not impossible to survive but highly unlikely. You’ve got fast moving, violent zombies chasing you by the millions.
“Cube” — Odds: 50-1
You’re not going to get out of this alive unless you’re Bill Gates-level intelligence.
“Saw” — Odds: 6-1
If you’re willing to learn and grow as a person your chances are actually pretty good.
“It” — Odds 1-5
It is a cosmic being bent on your destruction, but It can be hurt with a bit of kindness, teamwork and love. Chances of survival… good.
“It Follows” — Odds: 9-2
If you’re willing to screw over someone your survival is guaranteed. If you’re then willing to help the very next person survive long enough and then that person… okay it’s probably coming back to you when you least expect it.
“The Thing” (1982) — Odds: 50-1
What, you think you’re as cool as MacReady? And even he didn’t survive… or did he?
“Cabin in the Woods” (2012) — Odds: 10-1
The odds board in the film proved that no matter the monster chosen the outcome was the same… blood sacrifice. You have a shot a it, though, if you pick the Merman, right?
“A Quiet Place”— Odds: 50-1
Nope, there is no way you are going survive this… you’re going to fart or burp or step on a Lego. Snow crunches. So does fried chicken.
Suspiria (2017) — Odds: 8-1
Don’t piss off those witches, and you have a pretty good chance to survive the night.
“Paranormal Activity” — Odds: 5-1
Just be careful who you marry, kids!
“Hellraiser” — Odds: 15-1
Cenobites unite! If you’ve ever solved a Rubik’s Cube your odds are pretty good you’ll get out of this alive.
“The Blair Witch Project” — Odds: 30-1
It’s unclear what power the person/monster/warlock/witch has over the kids, but it must be substantial to make that dude stand with his nose to the wall and not fight back, right? Whatever it is I don’t think you’re going to make it through the night.
So what about you?
Which horror verse do you think would be the easiest to survive for a day/night and which is the hardest?