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The 9 Worst TV Show Employees

The sequence is less than seven seconds long, but it’s beautiful cinema.

Dignam: This is unbelievable. Who put the f***in’ cameras in this place?

Police Camera Tech: Who the f*** are you?

Dignam: I’m the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy.

So, with that in mind, here’s a list of the nine worst TV show employees … AKA — The Other Guys.

1. George Costanza
Show: “Seinfeld”
Place of Employment: Rick Barr Properties, Sid’s Parking Services, Pendant Publishing, NBC, Specialty Models, E.D. Granmont, Sanalac, New York Yankees, Play Now Sports, Costanza & Son, Kruger Industrial Smoothing
Positions: Real Estate Agent, Parking Attendant, Manuscript Reader, Sitcom Writer, Hand Model, Bra Salesman, Sales Rep (3 times), Assistant to Traveling Secretary, and Analyst
Reason: George quit or was fired from every single position he ever had.

2. Sookie Stackhouse
Show: “True Blood”
Place of Employment: Merlotte’s
Position: Waitstaff
Reason: Seriously, over seven seasons I don’t believe Sookie completed more than two full shifts at work. She’d show up, put on an apron and then be gone before she took a single order. How Merlotte’s stayed in business is beyond reason.

3. Mike McLintockworst-tv-show-employees-sookie
Show: “Veep”
Place of Employment: Office of the Vice President of the United States, Office of the President of the United States
Position: Press Secretary
Reason: Despite almost passing out from low blood sugar during a press conference, giving away every single one of President Selina Meyer’s most damaging secrets and being unable to spin a single story to the press … he does a bang-up job.

4. Woody Boyd and/or Diane Chambers
Show: “Cheers”
Place of Employment: Cheer’s
Position: Bartender/Waitstaff
Reason: Woody was as dumb as a bag of hammers. Diane was “too good” to serve anyone willingly.

5. Rachel Green
Show: “Friends”
Place of Employment: Central Perk, Fortunata Fashions, Bloomingdales, Ralph Lauren
Position: Waitstaff, Buyer’s Assistant, Buyer
Reason: Face it, Rachel is an awful employee through most of the show’s run. She does, however, go from a Buyer’s Assistant to Buyer, a big jump in the world of fashion, but then she blows it by interviewing for another position.

6. Homer Simpson
Show: “The Simpsons”worst-tv-show-employees-rachel
Place of Employment: Homer has held approximately 188 jobs during the show’s 27 seasons.
Position: Primarily nuclear technician
Reason: He’s bungled more jobs than Costanza and damn near ruined the planet at least three times.

7. Mr. or Mrs. Garrison
Show: “South Park”
Place of Employment: South Park Elementary School
Position: Third Grade Teacher
Reason: Has any student ever learned anything in one of his/her classes?

8. Major Frank Burns
Show: “M*A*S*H*”
Place of Employment: U.S. Army
Position: Surgeon
Reason: No matter how wounded a soldier might be, nobody would willingly be operated on by ol’ “Ferret Face” himself.

9. David Brent
Show: The Office
Place of Employment: Wernham Hogg
Position: Branch Manager
Reason: With all respect to Michael Scott, nobody can hold a candle to the incompetent and outright tone-deaf baboonery of David Brent.

One Comment

  1. I would also add every member of the Bluth family (except Michael) on Arrested Development, who collectively must be the worst businesspeople in all of Orange County.
    Also, the police officers on pretty much every procedural cop show on TV these days are spectacularly incompetent. Every episode of CSI, Law & Order, Castle, etc. ends with the cops walking up to the suspect and explaining exactly how they know they’re guilting, and even holding up the evidence they have against them. In the real world, it’s not the best idea to tell a suspect exactly what your case is against them, because then their lawyer can pick it apart in court and get them off. Then again, these cops seem to live in an alternate universe where doing this automatically gets the suspect to confess (rather than lawyering up, like any rational person would), so maybe they’re not so incompetent after all.

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