‘Mandalorian and Grogu’ Sinks ‘Star Wars’ to Kiddie-Level Lows

If you can’t say something nice, say nothing at all.

In that spirit, the puppet dubbed “Baby Yoda” is still adorable in “The Mandalorian and Grogu.”

The rest of the film? Mum’s the word. Except this if a film review, so proceed we must, hmmm?

The first new “Star Wars” film in seven years is messy, an adjective several characters say in this bloated blockbuster. Messy covers a lot of sins, and this TV show extension commits more than a few.

“The Last Jedi” broke plenty of franchise fans with its woke detours and canon-crushing twists. “The Acolyte” insulted more with its feminist blather.

“The Mandalorian and Grogu” might tell any remaining fans to find another franchise. This one is creatively spent.

The setup here is simple, allowing for plenty of interesting detours that never arrive.

Our hero Din Djarin, or Mando, (Pedro Pascal) is tasked with finding rogue Imperial Warlords hoping to resurrect the Empire. He’s a bounty hunter, but as we’ve seen in three “Mandalorian” seasons, his heart is more or less in the right place.

That means he’s team New Republic, AKA the good guys. Just don’t expect any complexity or nuance to his character. This film has all the shadings of a Benjamin Moore color sample.

So off he goes, along with his trusty sidekick Grogu (still an analog puppet) to track down a mysterious figure known as Janu (Jonny Coyne). Mando’s only clue? He’s given a blank card from a deck of missing Imperial Warlords.

Really.

Mando must make a deal with members of the Hutt family to find Janu, which brings Rotta the Hutt (Jeremy Allen White) into the picture. Hey, that’s Jabba’s son, and the resemblance is striking.

Rotta has been kidnapped, and his family members want him back at any price. Except it’s a little more complicated than that.

The rest is a blur of nonstop action, tin-eared dialogue that moves the story forward in jerky fashion and no sense that adults were considered as the film’s audience.

This is kiddie entertainment from start to finish, a parade of new creatures, mediocre CGI and cuddly characters who would make the Minions blush.

The fact that Jon Favreau (“Swingers!” “Elf!” “Iron Man!”) co-wrote and directed this slop is tragic. He gets little out of his cast. Pascal, who previously made his presence felt while behind a mask, has zero arc or character to play.

He’s Protagonist 101. That’s it.

Sigourney Weaver walks through her role as a New Republic commander. She’d be Razzie worthy if she had more screen time.

The new villains barely have a pulse, from Coyne to a crimelord (Hemky Madera) who couldn’t threaten a toddler with his theatrics.

“The Mandalorian and Grogu” overdoses on action, barely taking a moment to breathe. The sequences are competently shot but never memorable, and the lack of stakes is startling. On more than a few occasions, Mando rushes into battle essentially alone, squaring off against literal armies without fearing he could get killed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Plot inconsistencies abound. Newer creatures appear and leave no mark, including Mando’s quasi-partner Garazeb “Zeb” Orrelios (Steve Blum). Cutesy cameos prove distracting, nothing more, including a vocal turn from Martin Scorsese.

There’s no talk of The Force, Skywalkers or other “Star Wars” essentials. The story overlaps with other, more recent “Star Wars” content to little satisfaction.

The movie literally stalls midway through, and you expect a Netflix-style button on the bottom right of the screen to say, “Next Episode.”

Ludwig Göransson’s score, like everything else, is trying too hard to make us think this is epic storytelling. And whenever there’s a lull in the action, which is rare, we get a new CGI creature thrust into our face.

That Mando-Grogu bond endures, and it’s as endearing as it was in the past. So what? There’s no growth here, no sense of a story evolving in any meaningful way.

Why was this made again? What’s the point beyond more content for Disney+ in a few months?

“The Mandalorian and Grogu” exists as a placeholder, a way to say the franchise still belongs on the big screen.

You sure about that? You sure ’bout that?

HiT or Miss: Children will enjoy the breezy new “Star Wars” adventure, “The Mandalorian and Grogu.” Die-hard fans will wonder how far the franchise can possibly sink after this.