Faith-Based Rom-Com Counters Hollywood’s Marriage Misery

I always figured I would get married.

The first push in that direction was growing up in a good family with parents who make loving each other look like the most natural thing in the world. As far as I could tell, this was the case for most of the families around me at church and school.

Then, of course, there were the cartoons. Whether it was the slapstick antics of woodland creatures sprouting heart eyes, or more grand fairy tale adaptations with princes, princesses and true love’s first kiss, the height of animated existence was romance.

By now, you’re probably double-checking the byline on this article. Yes, I’m a guy, but obviously I’m something of a romantic. With all these examples, who wouldn’t be? Clearly, marriage was the ultimate goal in life; the key to living happily ever after.

Love and Marriage, Hollywood Style

As I got older, another viewpoint crept into entertainment, especially television. If a character started a show single, then they got to enjoy the endless pursuit of romance. Sure, it was a roller coaster, but it was exciting.

Woe to the married couple in a sitcom, though. They were sentenced to episode after episode of nagging, miscommunication, bickering, and searching desperately for a little excitement within (or outside) the shackles of marriage.

The people closest to me—my family, my friends, my church—were quick to point out the mischaracterization and reinforce marriage as the ultimate life goal. That’s not really what it’s like, they said. Speaking of which, when was I going to get married?

I’m working on it, I’d sigh. Thanks for the reminder.

Imagine my surprise when I hit 20, then 25, then 30 without a serious girlfriend. Sure, I had my share of crushes, but none of them ever worked out.

I did my best to be some mix of flirty woodland creature and stalwart Prince Charming, but it turns out women get a little freaked out when your eyes sprout bulging cartoon hearts. Meanwhile, the friends who kept the loneliness at bay drifted away two by two as they got married off.

10. Our Church Thinks We’re Dating (2024) pic.twitter.com/ujzqa5YsK6

— Banky Discoveries (@banky_czn) October 20, 2024

While my dreams of romance went unrealized, I found my calling in telling stories on screen. I dove in and honed my craft on short films, commercial work and in film school.

Here at last was a love I wouldn’t scare off with bulgy heart eyes.

It took a decade of building my network, writing and rewriting and scraping together a (very) modest budget, but I was finally ready to shoot my first feature. I brought a lifetime of experience with unrequited love, awkward blind dates, hopeless crushes and an all-access pass to the Friend Zone.

Clearly, I was highly qualified to make a romantic comedy. That presented a challenge, though. Romantic comedies are a dime a dozen. It would have my own style, of course.

For instance, bulging heart eyes became floating neon signs broadcasting the characters’ feelings. But sight gags are just a fresh coat of paint. What really got me excited was the chance to say something true.

That was my secret weapon to make this movie stand out.

What Would C.S. Lewis Say About Rom-Coms?

C.S. Lewis drops this gem in Mere Christianity:

“If you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before), you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it.”

So what is the truth when it comes to romantic comedies? The truth is that marriage isn’t the death of romance; it’s the beginning. It’s not a loss of freedom or a life sentence of boredom and bickering. It’s a new purpose, a way to understand your spouse, yourself and God better.

But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. It’s not happily ever after. It’s not the answer to all your problems. And it’s definitely not the only relationship you need. There are even—gasp!—people who can live remarkably full lives without ever getting married.

Finally, the truth about romantic comedies is that maybe we’ve bought into the myths they perpetuate a little too much. Even if the tropes are just in service of good storytelling, I believe our culture has internalized the Hollywood version of love to the extent that it’s become one of the biggest obstacles to experiencing real relationships. In pursuit of a fairytale, we miss out on the joys found in committed relationships, deep friendships, and loving families.

So that’s what “Our Church Thinks We’re Dating” is about.

Romance is a wonderful thing, but it’s not the only thing. It takes lots of work and even more grace. The main characters share my flaws: a little hopeless romanticism that gets in the way of real romance, and a little cynicism that maybe the whole thing is overblown.

Relationships of all kinds will inevitably reveal imperfections—especially our own. If we hold out for a perfect soulmate, we’ll be holding out forever. No marriage will ever be perfect, but it can be very good.

Speaking of which, I finally found myself in a long-term relationship. Did it take me this long to find the right woman, or did I finally stop letting my unrealistic expectations get in the way? Maybe a little of each.

God-willing, we’ll be getting married soon.

We’ve both tried—albeit imperfectly—to maintain our other friendships. Sometimes we flirt like cartoon animals, and sometimes we struggle to find things to talk about. It hasn’t always been easy, but it’s been worth it.

It certainly hasn’t been perfect, but it has been very good.

Tim Nolte is the director and co-writer of “Our Church Thinks We’re Dating,” available for free now on Tubi.