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Trigger Warnings We Actually Need

If 'Blink Twice' changes how we watch Hollywood fare ... so be it!

Director Zoe Kravitz’ “Blink Twice opens with a trigger warning, according to Film Threat founder Chris Gore.

People magazine has the scoop.

“Blink Twice is a psychological thriller about the abuse of power…While this is a fictionalized movie, it contains mature themes and depictions of violence — including sexual violence. This may be upsetting or triggering for some viewers. For resources that offer support, visit BlinkTwiceResources.com.”

Absurd? A sign of the times? Cinematic progress?

BLINK TWICE | Official Trailer

Put all of that aside. If this is the wave of the future, then we need trigger warnings on the following titles:

The Acolyte” — WARNING: Viewing this Disney+ series may permanently scar your love for all things “Star Wars.”

Barbie” — WARNING: Male viewers may experience nausea and/or vomiting during America Ferrera’s Yas, Queen speech. Female audiences, too.

Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga” — WARNING: This saga lacks Max.

“The Fall Guy” — WARNING: This 2024 film has zero connection to the source material besides the hero’s name and the cameos you missed when you left the theater early.

“Twisters” — WARNING: No cows fly in this reboot.

“The Marvels” — WARNING: Brie Larson stars in this film.

“Dr. Who” – WARNING: You may earn extra college credits toward your Critical Race Theory major.

“Baby Reindeer” — WARNING: You may never be nice to a sullen stranger again after watching this Netflix show.

Borderlands” — WARNING: This is the second most embarrassing thing Jack Black did this summer.

“Inside Out 2”WARNING: Disney’s extreme woke agenda is nowhere to be found in this charming sequel. Wait … that’s not a warning. It’s a perk!

Have other trigger warning suggestions? Please leave them in the comments below.

6 Comments

  1. FURIOSA: WARNING — This film contains excessive amounts of visibly unrealistic CGI, excessive amounts of irrelevant violence surrounding a protagonist whom you already know is going to survive, and Chris Hemsworth using a fake noise and discordant voice to obviate the only point of watching him in a movie.

  2. Deadpool and Wolverine: WARNING: This movie is not Woke. Don’t watch it if you’re the modern audience expecting DIVERSITY and someone sitting next you might have money to spend because they are male and pale and stale.

    Captain America 4: WARNING: The role of Captain America is now played by Falcon. Be glad this isn’t the only change.

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